Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my soul

at least that means I still have a soul left at all

(no subject)
people seem to have so much more fun when I'm not around

And now, some memes

1. What's your favorite candle scent?

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
Amanda Palmer

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
Stephen Fry.

4. How old do you think you'll be when you get married?

5. Do you know a hoarder?
I can be quite bad.

6. Can you do a split?

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
I Can't

8. How many oceans have you swam in?
just 1

9. How many countries have you been to?
Including seperate bits of the UK; 6.

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?
probably Isabelle,

12. What would you name your son if you had one?
If i don't change my surname (which I've toyed with on and off for years considering i don't really have any ties to my dad's side) then I'll probably go with Robert, if i change it to my gran's surname; then maybe something like kieran or owen

13. What's the worst grade you got on a test?

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
Robot Wars, and the simpsons

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
I didn't dress up, my mum, sis and I were in a women's refuge place.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
Harry Potter.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
I've always fancied a little hint of a southern drawl, but I like my accent as is

18. Did your mother go to college?
Yup, my mum was a nurse.

19. Are your grandparents still married?

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

22. What's the first amusement park you've been to?
Blackpool pleasure beach

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

25. Is your father bald?

26. Do you know triplets?
don't think so

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
Not seen either

28. Have you ever had Indian food?
Of course.

29. What's the name of your favorite restaurant?
Wudon in Glasgow's pretty awesome

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ's, etc.)?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
I think I was going to maybe be Natalie or something similar

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?
I just get called by my surname

34. Who's your favorite person in the world?
I have a couple, they know who they are

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
Suburbs. I can't do rural

36. Can you whistle?

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
not usually.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

40. What medical conditions do you have?
Hayfever; occasional moments of depression, some other little things

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?
Twice. Once for anaphylactic shock, the other for a broken knuckle.

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
Yup ^_^

43. Where do you buy your jeans?
Next, or TK-Maxx.

44. What's the last compliment you got?
I've been called really nice, on a number of occasions.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?
I hate tea

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
about... 10

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?
I don't really know. i dunno where i stand myself

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn't real?
i think i was like, 10, possibly 11.

50. Why do you have a blog?

After neglecting this and starving it of anything which could be descrbed as either useful or positive, I suppose ~4pm, in an internet cafe just off Leicester Square's as good a time and place to put... I dunno, something here. I could talk at length about the past year or so, but a lot of it'd just be retreading old ground that folk know already, so I won't do that

The past 7 days though, that's been a different story. I got my exam results through on Tuesday and had a near heart attact. 4 As including an A in Advanced English is way more than I'd have ever dreamt about, so it looks like I'll be going back to uni. Hurray! Also saw Blur in Hyde Park - hence why I'm in an internet café in the centre of London - which was awesome, and seen some folk who I've not seen in far too long, even if the timescales between seeing them've been drastically different, so the past two days on that front have been pretty ace. Beyond that, and honestly, perhaps most importantly, I think I've got some things sorted out that have needed sorted out for a while and given a lot of things closure.that, more than anything, feels like it might prove to be the most valuable thing that's happened this week. Something feels like it changed in me this week, and it feels like a good one :)

I think I'm coming down with something

Not now. Please for the love of god, not now. I'm meant to go on holiday in a shade over a week - can't go camping if my tonsils (which is what it feels like) are up - would be a recipe for disaster. I suppose it's better that it wasn't last week, but jeez, right in the middle of summer, immune system? I mean fucking really?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

(no subject)

[And Another One]

And Another One

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
I'd say 17/18

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never Trying, which is why I get annoyed at myself.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because if all did what we like, Anarchy would prevail

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Yup, more than likely - due to my inaction because of my fear of failing

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Hereditary wealth and the nepotism that comes with it

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Hmmm... Good question. Music, probably

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
If all goes well gradeswise this summer, the former

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I don't know. probably would try and be more spontaneous

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I've controlled point A and Point B. the in between has been a bit weird

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Depends on the things.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
I've done this before and stuck up for them while acknowledging their faults.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Always keep your options open and never let anyone push you down one specific road

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
In a heartbeat.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I've seen insanity and I've seen creativity - the two are very different.

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Mental Arithmetic.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because we're all different

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Going to the states. Purely becauseI't damn hard to get a job because I have no work experiecne at all and am constantly up against folt who have it
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I have no idea.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
No, Put I do puch the buttons on crossings constantly despite knowing it does nothing

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I had this discussion the other night - I'm no genius, but I think I'm too intelligent in some aspects which means I over analyse which gets me down

22. Why are you, you?
Because I am not you. I've had a lot of life experiences which have shaped me

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I'd say so, for the most part only thing is that I'm terrible at initiating conversation because - despite being told it's not the case - I always feel like people don't want to talk to me.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Both as bad in different ways, although the former has an unfortunate tendency to create a loss of touch at times

25. What are you most grateful for?
My friends. they mean so much to me

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
If I had to pick, I'd probably do with the first one, ASSUMING I keep the ability to form new ones, since people could turn the old old one into New old ones, if that makes sense

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
There are no universal truths

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes and no in 2 senses. one of them can't really "come true" until i snuff it, the other - a close friend dying - thankfully hasn't happened

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
2007. I was in 5th year and things were gradually beginning to look up...  although it all fell to bits later. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it still eats away at my and is probably part of why I don't have a great deal of self esteem.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I didn't really ever have a happy childhood. Parents fought all the time, Dad was -and is- an alcoholic who was -and is- an abusive wanker, split up when I was 7, but had been on the cards since I was born, mum went into refuge with me and my sis with pretty much the clothes on our backs... yeah. I'm sure there were happy times, but I don't remember them, probably because of the swathes of bad

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Hogmanay this/last year. Massive party at one of my mates form college's place. I felt better than I had done for a long time

32. If not now, then when?
If not us, then who?

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Depends on how long you've tried - sometimes you need to reassess and say "this isn't working". so potentially, time

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
I've had moments like that, just total bliss, yeah

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because each one of them believes their version of events is correct and gets too caught up in trying to convince everyone else rather than just thinking live and let live. (can't improve that)

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
There are VERY few things on each side which are concrete - the rest is dependent on perspective.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
I don't have one, but I'd stay in it if i did, yeah.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
MOre that I Enjoy.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Yup. mid 2010 to mid 2011 was groundhog day with different lighting.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Everybody I knew? Would it be trite to say my family? Mum, sister, Grandparents. There's a few other people I'd feel terrible about not seeing though outside of my family.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Yup, I have real issues about how I look

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Life is existing, Living is getting fulfilment
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
I don't know - it's not my strongest suit

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because most of the things we're scared to make mistakes about are things we percieve to be important

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
So many things.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Just now that I read that.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love a lot of things - english and reading and language and all things in sort of sphere are a biggy. depending on how we define recent, 2 years ago, I dropped everything to go back to college to do subjects that'd allow me to do an english degree, if I get 2As and a B, or an A and 2 Bs, I'll be doing that english degree, and if i just miss out, then I'll look into going somewhere through clearing to do the degree.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
I barely remember now

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Some are out of my hands, Some are to be made by me, Some, I don't know

Meme: sans emo
Last cigarette: never

Last kiss: no comment

Last good cry: about 6am

Last library book checked out: I can't remember

Last movie seen: Does the No Distance left to Run documentary count?

Last book read: High Fidelity

Last cuss word uttered: Shit

Last beverage drank: Lemonade

Last food consumed: Pasta

Last phone call: Mum

Last tv show watched: Dunno

Last shoes worn: White quiksilver trainers

Last cd played: Newton Faulkner - Hand Built by Robots

Last item bought: Does paying for a taxi count? if not, skittles

Last downloaded: Google Chrome

Last annoyance: As sad as it sounds, the fact that I don't want to sit in the living room for a couple of reasons

Last disappointment: Finding out something I already knew

Last soda drank: Irn-Bru

Last thing handwritten: Lyrics and a chord structure for something that's been floating about my head for a while. nowhere near finished though

Last word spoken: Spoken? dunno? Sung? Hill.

Last sleep: about midday-ish

Last IM: Alix

Last weird encounter:  Walking in to Central Station thinking "so this is how it feels to say bye when you don't want to"

Last ice cream eaten: No idea

Last amused: Sitting in the living room with Ali, talking to the dog

Last time wanting to die: Properly? around the start of the year-ish. although I felt awful this morning

Last time in love: dunno how to answer this one. I'd say now, but it's not reciprocated, and I'm at the point where I need to try and let go.

Last time hugged: 5:35. Central station, Platform 2

Last time scolded: dunno

Last chair sat in: Living room sofa

Last top worn: Red one with skull dot pattern

Current clothes: Blue boxers, I've been in bed pretty much all day (see annoyance question)

Current mood: A bit down, annoyed at myself for being a little bit pathetic as well.

Current music: Obvious - Blink-182

Current taste: Lemonade

Current hair: The shorter side of midlength, a little curly, brown, and in need of a wash

Current smell: nothing

Current thing I should be doing: Tidying up for the party I seem to have organised for Wednesday

Current refreshment: Nothing

Current worry: I have a couple of major ones, but it's more my mind being my own worst enemy than anything.

MemeCollapse )

London was incredible, even I was a right daftie and decided to get one of the first trains down to Kings Cross on the friday and the last one back on Monday from Euston, but so what.

Unlike pretty much everyone else, with the exception of Cath and Stu, I headed down on the Friday since I was seeing the pixies (With Cath and Stu) The train journey down wasn't too bad, although in future, I'll probably do the euston train - 6 hours is way too long. Got into London at about half 12-ish - a few hours before Stu and Cath - and decided to just sit out on the steps in front of the clink, catch some sun and chat to a bunch of people staying at the hostel before catching Stu and Cath at Kings Cross at about 3-ish. Got back to the hostel and checked into the room I'd be in for the night, sat about with stu and Cath before getting ready and heading up to Kings Cross to get Ali and go for a drink or two before Stu, Cath and I headed over to the Troxy to see the pixies.

Lets just say it was worth it. I'm not a huge fan of the pixies (by which I mean I like them a fair bit, but I don't know every song a la Muse, Thrice, Maximo Park et al) but despite that, I absolutely loved it. Usually I would be further forward, but I actually enjoyed the experience of just standing back and soaking it up for a change. I think it was probably down to the fact I hadn't slept since wednesday night, combined with thinking "I don't want to be knackered for tomorrow", especially because the heat just sapped me over the course of the weekend. Despite that, I still screwed my voice up (I blame "Where is my mind?"  for that, personally).

Having got about 2 hours sleep due to some eejit's alarm going off at 4 in the morning when they'd left the room to go for a shower or something (I didn't fall asleep until 2, this is mainly due to the fact that when I checked in, I clocked about 3 hairdryers, and thus, got paranoid about "what if they've put me in a girl's room by accident? that'll be interesting (in a bad way)", and only managed to fall asleep after I noticed a guy walking in and getting in the bed under mine), Saturday was a day which was to be spent in the rocket with pretty much everyone else after collecting people from here and there, and other people arriving etc. It was nice and chilled, but the rocket is something of a furnace, which wasn't fun what with me being pretty much allergic to heat. But aside from that, Saturday was somewhat uneventful, but it was nice and relaxed all the same, but eventually, tiredness beat me and I had to head back and catch some sleep.

Sunday. Rocket. Rage. Perfection. There are no other words. were it not for the fact it'd be 80 quid to get down and back, I'd be seeing them at download on saturday. the best gig I've ever been to. full stop, even if I was pretty much crippled walking back to the hostel with everyone (so much so that we ended up getting a bus back to kings cross instead of walking back). Was in the pit for half of it, and a fair bit further back for the other, before diving back in for Killing in the Name. Just. Amazing :D

Monday was a day of just relaxing, which involved the rocket, and then everyone else buggering off since I had the last train to glasgow from euston (at half 6), so I just sat out in the sun and read. Nice and relaxing, and was a nice way to end the weekend

And now I'm a bit emo about the fact that I have nothing interesting in my life for a whole month :(

I'm gutted
stupid volcano means stupid planes are grounded, means Caro, Juuso, Ste and Paul can't make the meet =[ I am actually so, so gutted - Was looking forward to seeing Caro and paul again, seeing Juuso for the first time, and seeing ste and asking him how his new place is and everything. Actually gutted

Bored. Go nuts
Ask me questions. Ask me what my views on ______ is. Ask me the shallow questions, ask me deep questions. Ask me anything you'd like to know to get to know ME. No question will bother me. That's a promise

Posted via Journaler.


Log in

No account? Create an account